


A Promise To Keep

by SweetScentences



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: (but mostly just comfort), Alluka being the best sister, Fluff, Gen, Ging being less shitty than he is in canon, Growing Up, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunions, honestly this is just really sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 22:57:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17435072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetScentences/pseuds/SweetScentences
Summary: It started, as so many wonderful and disastrous things did, with Alluka.A story about growing up, healing, and coming back together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like every fic I write, this never would have been finished without the endless support and encouragement of the radiant ComparedFever. I wanted to write something sweet and self-indulgent, with a little bit of character exploration too. Please let me know what you think! All the chapters will be up within the day <3

It started, as so many wonderful and disastrous things did, with Alluka. One morning she had asked Killua, simply enough, where Gon was from. Killua hadn’t thought much of it and told her. By that afternoon she was saying how much she’d like to see Whale Island. That night before Killua stepped out of their hotel room for his weekly call with Gon, she demanded Killua ask him if they could visit. Killua, unwilling more than unable to deny his sister anything, had nodded.

 

“You want to visit?” Gon cried, his bright voice warped with static. Killua kept the phone pressed against his ear as he sat on the edge of the hotel roof, letting his legs sway over the edge.

 

“Yeah, Alluka really wants to see it. And you,” Killua said, smiling at Gon’s delighted laugh.

 

“Is that the only reason?” Gon asked, his voice light and teasing.

 

Maybe it was the phone, but Killua thought he could hear something else in it. Killua’s pride could be a difficult thing to swallow, but he’d done it enough for Gon and Alluka both. It wasn’t too hard to do again.

 

“I miss you,” he said, the words quickly swallowed by the sounds of the city below him.

 

There was a sound over the line, something that could have been a sharp breath or rustling clothes. Killua couldn’t tell which.

 

“I miss you too,” Gon whispered- quiet, but still so much himself that it made Killua’s chest ache. Killua took a moment to collect himself, to catch his breath.

 

“So I’m guessing you wouldn’t mind us visiting?” he asked once he was sure his voice wouldn’t shake.

 

“How soon can you get here?”

 

That was how Killua found himself stepping off a tiny boat a week later, into a bustling harbor with Alluka's hand wrapped in his. Then Killua was being torn away from her and lifted into the air by a strong pair of arms. He didn’t fight it, didn’t react in any way other than settling his hands on the shoulders in front of him.

 

It wasn’t long before Gon was setting him back on the ground and pulling away just enough so that their eyes could meet. Gon’s were the same brilliant golden brown they always were, wide and warm and staring at Killua the way they so often did- like Killua held the secrets to everything in the world, like Killua _was_ the world.

 

Killua didn’t look away. Instead he pulled Gon into a tight hug, settling into the way Gon wrapped his arms around his waist. The nine months they’d been apart had changed the way they fit against each other- Killua taller and Gon broader- but it hadn’t changed the way Gon’s heart beat in time with Killua’s own, so strongly that Killua could feel it against his chest. Killua was certain he could recognize Gon anywhere, even at the end of the world.

 

“You got taller,” Gon whispered, his breath tickling Killua’s neck. Killua ignored the way it made his stomach flutter and tucked his head against the side of Gon’s, careful to avoid his spikes of hair.

 

“Maybe you got shorter,” Killua whispered back, and when Gon laughed it shook both of their bodies.

 

Killua wasn’t sure how long they stayed wrapped around each other. After awhile Alluka cleared her throat, and Killua realized he had forgotten she was there. Killua slipped out of Gon’s hold, his face burning in embarrassment, and turned to face his sister. There was a bright smile tugging at her lips, her blue eyes crinkled at their corners.

 

“What, no hug for me?” she asked Gon, stretching her arms out in an invitation.

 

Gon laughed and stepped forward, scooping Alluka up into a hug and twirling her. The sound of her laughter and the rattle of the beads in her hair echoed across the harbour. Warmth bloomed in Killua’s chest.

 

Alluka started smacking Gon’s shoulder, and he set her gently on the ground. He took a small step back from her and grinned.

 

“You both look so pretty!” he said, playfully ruffling Alluka’s hair as her eyes widened. Killua fought down the urge to hug Gon again, a wave of affection rolling over him, because Gon hadn’t forgotten Nanika. But it was more than that- he’d spoken to her, addressed her kindly and without fear in a way that so few people did.

 

Alluka’s eyes went black and watery- Nanika appearing just to pull Gon into a grateful hug. Gon took it in stride, laughing and gently patting Nanika’s head. After a few minutes Alluka pulled away, carefully wiping the tears off her face. Gon smiled softly.

 

“Can I take your bag for you, Alluka?” Gon asked. “It’s a long walk to my house.”

 

Alluka paused for a moment, carefully considering, before sliding the heavy travelling pack off of her shoulders and into Gon’s waiting arms. She thanked him happily as Gon started leading the way out of the harbour.

 

“What, you’re not going to offer to take my bag too?” Killua asked, his voice teasing, and Gon threw his head back in a laugh.

 

“We both know you’re just lazy, Killua,” Gon called, throwing a wink over his shoulder. Killua stumbled a bit, and Alluka covered her mouth with her hands to smother a giggle. Killua glared at her, trying to ignore the feeling of Gon’s eyes fixed on him.

 

The path to Gon’s house was long and winding. Before long, he and Killua had fallen into step with each other, Alluka skipping ahead, every few minutes pointing to something that had caught her eye. Gon patiently identified each thing, whether they were plants, animals, or people. He seemed to have a story for everything, and it delighted Alluka to no end. Killua too, but he wasn’t going to admit that.

 

Instead he bumped his shoulder against Gon’s as they walked. The backs of their hands brushed together every so often, and Killua fought down the urge to take Gon’s hand in his.

 

“You’re really good with them,” Killua told him at one point, when Alluka had stepped off the path to gather a bunch of flowers. They had both stopped to wait for her, watching as she and Nanika carefully debated which plants would look best together.

 

“Really?” Gon hummed, his eyes warm and gentle. “I guess it’s because they’re your sisters. It’s not hard to care about them when they mean so much to you,” Gon said, and a wave of fondness washed over Killua. He didn’t fight it. Instead he leaned against Gon, and smiled.

 

“Thank you,” he said, his voice heavy with honest emotion. Gon tucked his head against Killua’s shoulder.

 

“Of course,” Gon whispered, as warm as always. Killua had missed him more than he could ever put into words.

 

Before Killua could say anything, Alluka came running up to them, her arms full of flowers.

 

“What do you think?” she asked, holding up her arrangement proudly. It was a bundle of wildflowers, bursting with pinks, oranges, and yellows.

 

“It’s great, you two,” Killua said, and Gon nodded.

 

A bright smile bloomed on Alluka’s face. “Perfect!” she cheered, and without waiting a second started back up the path. Killua shared a quick look with Gon, both of them breaking into bright grins, before following after her.

 

By the time they reached Gon’s house, Mito was already standing in the yard- waiting for them with her hands set on her hips and a soft smile on her face. The smile grew into a grin when she saw them, and she threw her arms out to pull Killua into a fierce, but thankfully quick hug. Killua liked Mito a lot, but he didn’t know her well enough to stay wrapped in her arms without feeling trapped. He wasn’t sure how she knew that. Maybe it was Gon, or maybe it was some innate instinct that good mothers had. Either way he was grateful.

 

“Thanks for letting us stay with you,” Killua said, as politely as possible with Alluka standing behind him.

 

“Of course,” Mito told him, her words more serious than Killua felt was needed. But a moment later she was softening, and looking over Killua’s shoulder. “You must be Alluka,” she said, crouching down to Alluka’s height and holding out a hand.

 

Alluka stepped forward, her shyness melting away as Mito gently shook her hand. “These are for you, Ms. Mito,” Alluka said, offering Mito the bouquet she’d gathered.

 

“Thank you, Alluka,” Mito said softly, her eyes widening as she took the flowers, the look on her face impossibly warm. She stood up straight, carefully tucking the bouquet into the crook of her arm. “Let’s hurry inside so I can put these in a vase.” She held her hand out to Alluka, who stared at it for a moment before taking it in her own and letting Mito lead her into the house.

 

Killua met Gon’s eyes for what felt like the thousandth time since he’d arrived on Whale Island. They were bright, and shining with something playful as he offered his own hand to Killua. Killua ducked his head and laughed, if only so Gon wouldn’t see the blush rising on his cheeks, and took Gon’s hand, tangling their fingers together.

 

In a way, it was strange to hold Gon’s hand for the brief end of the walk to his house. In another way, it wasn’t. Gon’s hand was warm and calloused, fitting together with Killua’s like two matching puzzle pieces. Gon didn’t let go when they stepped inside. Instead, his thumb traced a scar on the back of Killua’s hand as they followed the sound of cheerful voices to the dining room.

 

Alluka was sitting at the table, holding a cup of tea and happily chatting with Gon’s great-grandmother Abe as Mito carefully arranged Alluka’s bouquet in a vase at the center of the table. Something in Killua softened at the sight, and Abe looked up at him and smiled. He offered her a small wave, hoping it wasn’t too awkward. Judging by the way Gon snorted, he’d failed at that.

 

“Hi, Ms. Abe,” Killua said, smiling brightly as he elbowed Gon in the stomach. Gon dropped his hand, doubling over with a wheeze. Killua ignored him, watching as Abe’s eyes slid from him, to Gon, and back again before she laughed.

 

“You can just call me ‘grandma’, my dear,” Abe told him, her smile so genuinely kind that it almost made Killua squirm. “Everyone else in this house does.” She turned away just as Killua’s face started to heat up, and faced Alluka. “The same goes for you too, of course.” Alluka lit up- a wide grin blooming on her face.

 

“Thank you!” Alluka cried, slipping out of her seat to give Abe a quick hug- which delighted Abe to no end. Killua muttered a quiet thanks, ducking his head to hide the embarrassed flush on his face. He could feel Gon’s eyes on the back of his neck. Thankfully before he could say anything, Mito spoke up.

 

“Why don’t you boys get everything set up upstairs?” she asked. “I think my grandma and I would both like to get to know Alluka a bit better, if that’s alright,” she said, offering Killua a gentle smile.

 

He met Alluka’s eyes for a brief moment, just to see her quick nod, before grinning at Mito. “Sure thing.”

 

Before Killua realized what was happening, Gon was grabbing his hand again and dragging him up the stairs. It pulled a laugh from Killua’s chest, and a moment later Gon was joining him. It felt like they were children again- having just met with the whole world ahead of them. It felt like they had never been apart.

 

Then they were stepping into Gon’s room, and Gon dropped his hand, hurrying over to his closet and calling over his shoulder. “Killua! Can you help me reach the futons?” he asked, and Killua stifled a laugh at the sight of Gon standing on the tips of his toes and straining to reach over his head.

 

“I’ve got it,” Killua said, and Gon stepped aside as Killua reached up to the top shelf to pull one of the folded up futons down. He passed it to Gon and then grabbed the other, both of them stepping back with full arms to set the futons on the floor. Once they were set, Killua sat down with his back against Gon’s bed as he stretched his legs. Gon disappeared into the closet again, before quickly emerging with a large pile of blankets.

 

“I don’t know why you were so embarrassed by my grandma earlier,” Gon said, his voice muffled by the massive comforters bundled up in his arms. Killua’s eyebrow twitched.

 

“You know that type of thing is hard for me,” Killua admitted, more honest than he would have been even a year ago. “All that… family stuff.”

 

Gon dropped the comforters down onto the futons, not even bothering to straighten them out. When Killua looked up at him, his face was strangely serious. Before Killua could ask him about it, he sat down, tucking his legs under him and taking Killua’s hands in his own.

 

“Killua, my family is your family too,” he said, and Killua nearly choked. Gon, intent on ignoring the way Killua’s mouth had dropped open, went on. “Alluka’s too of course! And Nanika! The three of you deserve a good family, so if yours won’t be that, then mine can be!”

 

Killua thought he had moved past a time when Gon could shock him, could leave him speechless. It seemed he hadn’t.

 

“Gon- you can’t- you can’t just _decide_ that!” Killua cried. He ignored the implications in what Gon had said, ignored all the thoughts tied to making someone else’s family your own and the way they made his face burn- because there was no way Gon meant it like _that_ \- and settled on glaring at Gon.

 

He blinked at Killua. “I don’t see what the problem is?” he said, his lips twitching and his voice a bit too innocent.

 

Killua huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “You can’t just- just say something like that without knowing how your family feels.”

 

Gon stared at Killua like he’d just said something unbelievably stupid, before grinning. “Killua,” he said, his voice infuriatingly slow, “My family _loves_ you.”

 

Killua was too taken aback by Gon’s words to be mad about his tone. He blinked a few times- at a loss for words. “They _what_?”

 

Gon laughed and took Killua’s hands again, squeezing gently and carefully tracing the scar he’d found earlier. “They love you,” he repeated, and it wasn’t any easier for Killua to process the second time. “My grandma is always asking about you, and how you’re doing, and Mito is always telling me to make sure you’re eating something other than chocolate. Whenever I tell her you and Alluka are travelling somewhere new, she looks it up to see how safe it is.”

 

There were tears stinging Killua’s eyes, and he couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed about it. “ _Why_?” he asked, his voice less steady than he had hoped it would be. Gon’s smile softened into something almost pained, and he tightened his hold on Killua’s hands.

 

“You’re an easy person to care about, Killua,” he said, and Killua let the words wash over him, let himself believe Gon. He knew there were people who cared about him, but it was too easy to forget, sometimes, that they loved him as much as he loved them. It was too easy for him to think that love was meant for everyone but him.

 

“Thank you,” Killua said, and Gon’s eyes brightened. “You are too,” Killua told him, and meant it, because he had a feeling Gon forgot that almost as often as he did.  

 

Gon’s eyes went wide for a moment, before his expression settled into something softer. Into something honest. “Thank you,” he said, surprisingly quiet, and Killua squeezed his hands.

 

Before they could say anything else, Mito called up the stairs. “Are you boys done up there?” she asked, and Gon breathed out a fond laugh.

 

“We are!” he answered, tilting his head just enough to not be shouting in Killua’s ear.

 

“Then come downstairs! Dinner is ready!”

 

This time it was Killua who laughed as he stood up, pulling Gon after him by their joined hands. “C’mon,” he said, tilting his head towards the stairs. “We can talk more after dinner.”

 

Gon nodded, and let himself be lead down the stairs and into the dining room, joining Alluka, Mito, and Abe at the table where Mito had laid out more of a feast than a meal. The next few hours slipped by in a haze of laughter, happily traded stories, and delicious food. Killua felt warm and calm in a way he so rarely did. He wondered, as Alluka threw her head back and laughed at something Gon said, if this was what having a family was meant to be like.

 

In the end, they were too exhausted to talk after dinner. The moment he was upstairs Killua dropped down onto one of the futons and Gon, having given his bed to Alluka, did the same. Killua felt safer than he had in months. He immediately fell asleep.

______________________________

At some point in the night, Gon and Killua had managed to drift into the space between their futons and get their limbs rather tangled together. This meant that when Gon woke with the sunrise, he woke Killua too. Ordinarily Killua would ignore Gon’s impossible morning chiperness and go back to sleep. Before he could Alluka was waking up, more than eager to start the day.

 

Killua found himself half-asleep, eating a hurried breakfast and following Alluka and Gon out of the house. It was only when he saw the rod slung over Gon’s shoulder that he realized they were going fishing. If he had to guess, the tackle box in Gon’s hand probably meant that he was going to be teaching Alluka.

 

They reached a river rather quickly, and as Killua settled down on the grass, Gon showed Alluka how to best hold the rod. Despite both of them encouraging him to join them, Killua was content to watch. His sisters and Gon were some of the most important people in his life, and seeing them get along made Killua feel like he could finally relax and let his guard down. Before too long, Alluka had gotten a handle on the basics, and tried, again, to call Killua over. When he shook his head, Gon took the fishing rod from her hand and, with a single quick flick, sent the hook flying over to latch onto the collar of Killua’s shirt. He stood before Gon could start pulling, and walked over to them laughing, plucking the hook out as he did.

 

“That’s not exactly playing fair, is it?” Killua asked, and Alluka and Gon shot each other wicked grins.

 

“You were being boring,” Alluka said and Killua gasped, throwing a hand over his heart in mock hurt.

 

“How could say that? How could you call your _incredible_ brother boring!” he cried, before quickly grabbing Alluka by the waist and spinning her through the air. She was howling with laughter by the time she started smacking Killua’s head to be put down.

 

When Killua looked over to Gon, he was grinning brightly. “Maybe she said it because you _were_ being boring, Killua,” Gon said, as if he was stating a fact.

 

Killua pointed at him. “I will throw you in the river,” he said, and Gon burst into laughter.

 

A second later Killua joined him.

 

When they had all settled down, Alluka took Killua by the hand and started sharing what Gon had shown her. It didn’t matter to either of them that Gon had taught Killua to fish years before, and that they all knew that. Alluka and Nanika both liked pointing out things that they learned to Killua, and he would never deny them his attention or patience.

 

Once Alluka seemed content with her lesson, she took the fishing rod back and turned to face the water. Killua shared a quick, amused look with Gon as they settled back against the river bank. They kicked off their shoes and dangled their feet in the water as they watched Alluka fish. Killua pulled a length of rope from the tackle box and started fiddling with it, carefully tying and untying a series of elaborate knots. He didn’t realize Gon had been watching him more than Alluka until he spoke up.

 

“I hadn’t noticed that scar on your hand before,” he said, and Killua followed his gaze down to his left hand. It was the scar Gon had been tracing the day before- a small raised circle that looked almost like a pock mark.

 

“It’s a bit newer, I guess,” Killua said, forcing himself to shrug despite the sinking feeling in his stomach.

 

Gon’s eyes narrowed, just the slightest bit.

 

“What happened?” he asked, and Killua grit his teeth. He couldn’t tell Gon about it, not now. Gon was finally himself again after everything with the ants. Killua wasn’t going to disrupt that by telling him about his fight. With Gon, one question always lead to another, and if it came out that Killua had almost died-

 

He shook his head. “Ask me about it another time, Gon.” When Gon opened his mouth to protest, Killua cut him off. “ _Another_ time. Just not now. Please.”

 

It was the ‘please’ that had Gon leaning back and looking at Killua carefully before nodding. “In a year, then.”

 

Killua breathed a laugh, half in amusement, half in relief. “Make it a year and a half,” he said, and Gon nodded and grinned.

 

It was a bit odd to Killua that he hadn’t pushed, especially when it had something to do with Killua, but he wasn’t going to question it. Maybe Gon had grown up a bit in the time they’d been apart.

 

The rest of the day slipped by in a comfortable, lazy haze. When Alluka seemed content with her catch, the three of them headed back to Gon’s house, where Mito promised to make the fish Alluka had caught for dinner. After, they made their way into town, exploring small shops and streets, slowly winding their way down to a beach. They spent the rest of the day there, sunbathing and swimming, and trying to best each other in building sandcastles (in the end Killua won, but only after using his nen to burn the sand into something like glass). When they finally made their way back to the house, the sun had already slid below the horizon. Just like she’d promised, Mito had made an incredible meal out of Alluka’s fish. The proud smile on Alluka’s face as they ate made Killua happier than he could say.

 

The next two weeks passed in much the same way- the days filled with small adventures, the nights with warm laughter and delicious food. Killua wasn’t sure if it was because he was on Whale Island, or because he was with Gon, but he was the most relaxed he’d been in years.

______________________________

On his last night on Whale Island, Gon nudged Killua awake a bit after midnight. The moonlight spilling in through the window cast soft shadows on Gon’s face as he smiled at Killua.

 

“Do you want to go exploring in the woods?” he asked, before Killua could wonder why he’d been woken up.

 

Killua’s face split into a grin. He was up in an instant and pulling on his sneakers, following Gon as they quietly slipped out of the house.

 

The moment they were outside they were running, half-chasing each other through the forest. Wind whipped at Killua’s hair as he laughed, neatly jumping over a stream, and Gon bounced from tree to tree above him. As much as Killua loved travelling with his sisters, they couldn’t match his pace in the way Gon had always been able to. He would never fault them for that, but he had missed the feeling that running with Gon always brought him.

 

After a few hours of crashing aimlessly through the woods, Gon directed them to a little outlook over the ocean. Killua recognized it quickly as the one they had visited the last time he’d been to Whale Island.

 

“Do you want to build a bonfire?” Gon asked, his eyes wild and bright in a way that was impossibly familiar to Killua. He answered him with a grin and a nod, and Gon was immediately disappearing back into the forest. After a few moments filled with loud crashing noises, he reappeared, his arms piled high with tree branches.

 

They carefully arranged the branches, and Killua set them alight with a spark from his nen. Once the fire was going strong, Killua settled back against the ground and tucked his hands behind his head to stare up at the sky. It was so full of stars that there was hardly any room for the dark- the constellations blinking down on the island the same way they had the last time Killua had been there, benevolent and unchanging. Permanent in a way that Killua envied. Permanent in the way that Gon’s presence at his side felt, even though he knew he’d be leaving the with Alluka the next day.

 

“You know,” Gon said, his voice drifting gently over the crackling fire, “I’ve been coming out here almost every night the past nine months.”

 

Killua tilted his head to the side, staring at Gon’s profile and all the subtle ways it had changed since they had parted ways. “Why’s that?” he asked, silently trying to count the freckles that had bloomed across Gon’s cheeks. Cheeks that seemed to darken at Killua’s question.

 

“It reminds me of you,” Gon said, as bluntly honest as ever. “This place, the stars, they remind me of you. So whenever I start to miss you, I come out here, and it feels like the first time you visited Whale Island.”

 

Killua’s throat tightened, and warmth filled his chest. Gon really was too honest.

 

“Idiot,” Killua mumbled, if only to hide the shaking in his voice. Gon heard it, he knew, but he was kind enough not to mention it. “You could have called.”

 

Gon shook his head. “I couldn’t call every night, Killua. You were with Alluka. I didn’t want to pull you away from that.”

 

Killua forced himself to roll his eyes, if only so he wouldn’t be overwhelmed with fondness. “I would have answered,” he whispered, and when Gon dropped his hand to his side, Killua gently covered it with his own.

 

“I know,” Gon told him, and tangled their fingers together. “That’s why I didn’t call.”

 

Killua took a deep breath, his heart in his throat, and squeezed Gon’s hand. Gon squeezed back, and Killua was reminded all at once how well Gon knew him, how well he understood the things Killua struggled to say.

 

“Last time we were here, we said we were going to see the world together,” Gon said, his voice so full of uncertainty it could have been a stranger’s. It hurt.

 

“We still will,” Killua promised. He tightened his hold on Gon’s hand, desperately trying to find the right words to comfort him. They slipped in and out of his mind like smoke between his fingers. “We will,” Killua said again, because it was all he could find. “I _know_ we will.”

 

Before Killua realized what was happening, he was being pulled forward into Gon’s shaking arms. His mouth had gone dry, so he tucked his face against Gon’s neck and hugged him back- held him as he crumbled in a way that Killua hadn’t seen since the chimera ants.

 

“I was scared,” Gon whispered, his chest shaking against Killua’s as he cried. “I was scared you wouldn’t want to anymore. That you wouldn’t want to be with me.”

 

Killua’s stomach dropped. He pulled Gon closer, held him tight enough that it had to hurt. “Listen,” Killua hissed, trying desperately to fight his own tears. “I am always going to want to be with you. Always. If-if we’re separated at some point, then that’s how it is then. But we’ll come back together, okay? _Always_.”

 

Gon laughed, watery but bright, and it eased some of the ache in Killua’s chest. “Really?” he asked, tilting his head and pressing his cold nose against Killua’s neck. It didn’t bother Killua as much as it should have.

 

“ _Really_ ,” Killua insisted, and when Gon smiled, he felt it against his skin. It brought a flush to his face, made his head feel fuzzy in a way it hadn’t before. He was almost relieved when Gon pulled away.

 

There were tear-tracks on his face, catching the firelight and shining, but his grin was brighter than anything else. “I’m so glad, Killua!” he cried, his eyes wide and staring at Killua like he was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen.

 

It was too much. Killua set his open palm on Gon’s face and _pushed_ until he was toppling over, his back hitting the ground hard as he laughed. Killua felt like his face was on fire.

 

“You’re so embarrassing,” he groaned, hiding his face in his hands as Gon continued to laugh.

 

“I don’t get how it’s embarrassing when it’s just the two of us,” Gon said, when he’d finally caught his breath. Killua only shrugged his shoulders, hoping that Gon would think he wasn’t interested in responding rather than realizing Killua didn’t know _why_ he was embarrassed.

 

Or maybe he was starting to figure it out, and that made it so much worse.

 

Killua tucked the beginnings of what could have been a revelation aside, and laid back down next to Gon. He let one of his arms fall between them in something that wasn’t quite an invitation, but Gon chose to treat as one- catching Killua’s hand and winding their fingers together.

 

“So where are you going next?” Gon asked, after a few minutes of savoring the soft silence that had fallen between them.

 

“We’re going to Wing’s,” Killua said, smiling at Gon’s surprised hum. “I want Alluka to learn nen. I think it’ll be good for her and Nanika. They’ll be safer that way too, in case- in case I ever mess up.”

 

Gon squeezed his hand, and Killua accepted the comfort it offered.

 

“You aren’t going to mess up,” Gon said, impossibly confident. “But that does sound like a good idea. Wing will like her.”

 

Killua nodded, unable to keep the fond smile off his face. Alluka could charm anyone.

 

“So, what about you?” he asked, and Gon tilted his head to stare at him.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Killua rolled his eyes fondly. “I _mean_ that I know you aren’t just gonna stay here waiting for your nen to come back. What are you going to do next?”

 

Gon grinned. “Kite invited me on a hunt,” he said, and Killua could practically feel his excitement.

 

He didn’t need to ask, but he did anyway.

 

“You’re going?”

 

Gon nodded. “Of course! I feel like that’s where I need to be. I love being home, but I miss travelling. It feels weird to stay in one place for so long.”

 

Killua couldn’t help but laugh, the last bit of tension easing away from him. This was the Gon he knew. It was easy to fall back into their routine after that- talking and joking, telling each other stories as the hours slipped by, their hands still tangled together. Killua wanted it to last forever, to take the moment and freeze it in time, if only so it wouldn’t slip away from him. But that was something he couldn’t control.

 

The fire died slowly, the last embers smothered by a cool wind off the water. At some point Killua and Gon had slid closer together, warm where they pressed against each other despite the cold night air. Killua stood first, Gon following after, refusing to let go of Killua’s hand. They travelled back to Gon’s house in a peaceful silence, only broken by the occasional laugh and bumped shoulder. They slipped inside and up the stairs perfectly quietly, unwilling to wake any of the people sleeping in the house.

 

When Killua slipped under the covers of his futon, he swore he could still feel the warmth of Gon’s hand in his.

 

______________________________

They left Gon’s house at dawn. Abe sat smiling in her chair, waving as the three teenagers scrambled out of the house. Mito went after them, tucking a pack of homemade sweets into Killua’s bag before giving him and Alluka each a gentle hug and a kiss on the forehead.

 

“I want you two to know,” Mito said, her voice strangely serious, “that you will always have a home here. Anytime you need it, you’re welcome to come.”

 

Killua bit down hard on his lip, if only to keep it from shaking. Alluka didn’t bother to hide her reaction; the moment Mito stopped talking, there were big, dewy tears sliding down her cheeks. Mito didn’t hesitate before pulling her into a smothering hug, petting her dark hair and whispering quiet reassurances. For a moment her eyes met Killua’s, and he stopped trying to hide his emotions. He let her see all his gratefulness and all his affection. Her eyes went wide, and they were so much like Gon’s- crinkling at the corners as she smiled in understanding.

 

It was hard to part ways with Mito after that, but before long Alluka was wiping her face on the sleeve of her dress and grinning brightly. She kissed Mito on the cheek before gathering her skirts in her hands and skipping down the hill.

 

“Thank you,” Killua told Mito, and she set a warm hand on his head.

 

“ _Anytime_ ,” she said, and Killua could feel the promise in her words. He didn’t linger on it. Instead he grabbed Gon’s hand and set off running down the hill after Alluka.

 

The sun had fully risen by the time they burst into the harbour, out of breath more from laughter than the run. Alluka was leaning over her knees, chest heaving as she giggled. Killua gently brushed her hair off the back of her neck while Gon grabbed a poster leaning against a nearby market stall and fanned her. It only made Alluka laugh harder.

 

“You boys are so sweet,” she wheezed, and Killua grinned at Gon over her head.

 

“We’re just looking out for you,” Killua said, stepping back to let Alluka straighten up and stretch. She rolled her neck a few times, and Gon set the borrowed poster back down.

 

“Well, thank you,” she said as she carefully looked over the harbour. She pointed to a rather large boat, tied at the end of a pier. “That’s our ship, right?” she asked.

 

Killua nodded. “Yeah, that’s it. We got here a bit late, so we should probably hurry.”

 

Alluka smiled and hoisted her bag a little higher on her shoulder, before starting off for the pier.

 

“Alluka,” Gon called as he settled a gentle hand around Killua’s elbow. “Could I borrow your brother for a second?” he asked, and Killua rolled his eyes.

 

“Sure!” she said. “Just be quick. I’ll get our bags onboard.”

 

Gon nodded, and started dragging Killua away- off to some small alcove behind a market stall. Killua didn’t bother complaining, too curious about what Gon was going to say that needed to be said in private. He let go of Killua’s elbow and tucked his hands behind his back, twitching almost nervously.

 

“What is it?” Killua asked, refusing to let himself worry.

 

“Close your eyes and give me your wrist,” Gon said, and Killua blinked at him in confusion.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Just trust me,” Gon whined, his voice trailing off and carrying with it any anxiety Killua had been feeling. “Please.” Gon turned his lips down in a pout, his golden eyes wide and pleading. It was _cute_ , Killua thought, and immediately wanted to punch himself for thinking something so ridiculous.

 

“Fine!” he snapped, shoving his wrist forward and ducking his head to hide the warmth blooming on his cheeks.

 

Gon laughed, but thankfully not in a way that made Killua feel like he was being laughed _at_. The next thing he knew, Gon was taking his wrist in gentle, shaking hands, and tying something to it.

 

“You can open your eyes,” Gon said, his voice unusually gentle.

 

Killua looked up. The first thing he saw was the warm smile on Gon’s face. The second thing he saw was the bracelet. It was fairly simple- just a few tightly braided strands of green fabric. But Killua recognized that shade of green.

 

“Gon, this is-”

 

“I outgrew my old jacket,” Gon said, shrugging lightly, as if he couldn’t see the waves of emotion jumping across Killua’s face. “Mito insisted on making me a new one, a sturdier one for when I go back to hunting with Kite. But I didn’t want to get rid of the old one. It’s been with me through so much, you know?”

 

Killua nodded. He’d been wondering where the jacket was the whole time he was visiting. It had been such a part of Gon for such a long time that it was strange to imagine him without it. Killua ran a gentle finger across the bracelet. It was soft.

 

“I haven’t decided what I want to do with the rest of it yet, but I thought I could take a little piece and make a bracelet. For you, Killua,” Gon said, and Killua’s eyes snapped up to his. There was an emotion he couldn’t quite read on Gon’s face; some strange mix of joy and worry. “So you don’t forget me.”

 

Gon’s words hit Killua like a blow to the head, knocking him off balance. Before he knew what he was doing, his fist was meeting Gon’s shoulder. It wasn’t a hard hit, but it was more than enough to knock Gon back a few steps.

 

“Killua!” he cried, grabbing his shoulder. “What was that-”

 

“Dumbass,” Killua hissed, cutting him off sharply. Gon was gaping at him in open confusion that didn’t fade as Killua stepped forward and pulled him into a fierce hug. He thought he heard Gon gasp against him, but the sound was lost in Gon bringing his arms to Killua’s waist to hug him back.

 

“You’re a dumbass,” Killua repeated, his words muffled by the spikes of Gon’s hair. “What makes you think I could _ever_ forget you.”

 

There was definitely a gasp this time, as Gon tightened his hold on Killua’s waist to the point that it nearly hurt, burying his head in the crook of Killua’s neck. Killua could feel his shaking breath on his skin. It was almost too much for him. Almost made him want to pull away, to laugh this off and pretend it hadn’t happened. Instead he pulled Gon closer, and lost himself in the feeling of their hearts beating together.

 

There was a sound from the harbour- a boat’s horn. Killua pulled away first, wondering how it was that every time he left Gon it got harder, rather than easier. But then Gon smiled up at him, and it felt less like a goodbye.

 

“I didn’t get you anything,” Killua whispered, afraid to shatter the gentle quiet that had fallen over them.

 

Gon shook his head, his eyes never once straying from Killua’s. “It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting anything.”

 

Killua frowned for a moment, unsatisfied, before an idea came to him. With quick, careful hands, he ripped off the hem of his pale purple shirt. Before Gon could say anything, Killua had wound the fabric around his wrist and tied the ends together. Gon stared at it for a moment, before beaming up at Killua.

 

“It’s not as good as yours,” Killua said. “But it’s something.”

 

Gon shook his head, his eyes shining happily. “It’s perfect.”

 

Killua opened his mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure what, when the boat’s horn sounded again, and Alluka appeared in front of them. She offered Gon a gentle, sad smile.

 

“We have to go,” she said, and Killua nodded. He let her lead the way back to the pier, let Gon catch his hand and tangle their fingers together, let himself not think too much about the way his heart fluttered in his chest.

 

When they reached the pier, Gon let go of his hand, but Killua couldn’t even think to miss it before Gon was pulling him and Alluka into a fierce hug. It brought a giggle out of Alluka, which quickly spiralled into the three of them laughing as they were huddled together. Killua felt warm in a way he so rarely did- warm, and safe, and _loved_. He didn’t want the moment to end.

 

But it did, with Alluka pulling away. She whispered something in Gon’s ear, too quiet for Killua to hear, that had him red-faced and gaping when she stepped back. Then she skipped away to board the boat, waving over her shoulder as she went.

 

Killua watched her go with a confused amusement. Alluka was, in many ways, absolutely strange. But Killua loved her, and wouldn’t change anything about her for the world. His attention was pulled back by the light brush of Gon’s fingertips against his. He didn’t hesitate for a moment before catching Gon’s hand and holding it.

 

He could feel himself blushing, but couldn’t find it in himself to pull his hand back when Gon looked up at him, his eyes wide and delighted.

 

“Hey, Killua,” Gon said, and Killua hummed, too distracted by the gold in Gon’s eyes to really listen to what he was saying. “The next time I see you, I’ll have my nen back.”

 

_That_ got Killua’s attention. “Gon, are you sure? That could take… we don’t even know how long that’ll be!”

 

_Or if it could even be done_ , something whispered in the back of Killua’s mind. He ignored it, choosing to focus on the determination on Gon’s face.

 

“I’m sure, Killua, because the next time I see you I want to start travelling together again.”

 

Killua could only gape at him, trying to fight down the giddy excitement building in him at the thought of travelling with Gon again.

 

“It’ll be great!” Gon went on, tossing his hands wildly and taking Killua’s with them. “And Alluka will know nen by then, so we can all go together!”

 

“Gon-” Killua tried to cut in, but Gon didn’t stop babbling.

 

“She’d be so much safer too! I don’t think your family would trying anything with _both_ of us there, and-”

 

“GON!” Killua shouted. A few startled people turned to stare at him, but he didn’t care. What he did care about was Gon’s mouth clicking shut. He looked worried, like he thought Killua was going to scold him. Killua let himself soften, let himself smile gently at Gon and watch the worry melt off of him.

 

“That sounds perfect,” Killua told him, because it _did_ , and watched as a brilliant smile bloomed on Gon’s face, his cheeks darkening. “But hurry up, yeah? I’m not gonna wait forever,” Killua said, sticking his tongue out playfully to be sure they both knew he was lying.

 

The boat’s horn sounded again. The last call.

 

“Be safe, Killua,” Gon said, voice slightly breathless. Killua could understand. There was a tightness in his chest, a lump in his throat that he couldn’t swallow.

 

“You too,” he whispered and before he could stop himself, leaned down a pressed a kiss to Gon’s freckled cheek. He didn’t wait to see Gon’s reaction before running to the boat, boarding it just as the last tethers came away.

 

The last time he and Gon separated, Killua hadn’t looked back. It was too painful then, had felt too much like a permanent goodbye. This time was different.

 

This time Killua ran to the back of the boat. He joined Alluka in leaning over the railing and waving at Gon. Gon- who was running down the pier, effortlessly jumping over and around anything in his path and waving at them with both arms.

 

He was shouting something, but they were too far away for Killua to hear him. But it wasn’t too far for Gon to hear _him_. So Killua cupped his hands over his mouth, leaned out over the water, and shouted.

 

“WHEN YOU’RE READY, COME FIND ME!”

 

The wind changed direction, and for a moment Killua could hear Gon- not saying anything, but cheering in delight. Killua couldn’t keep the smile off his face if he tried.

 

It wasn’t long before Gon had faded into a spot in the distance, and then that the entire island had too. Killua still didn’t move from the back of the ship, too at peace with the feeling of the wind in his hair and his sister at his side.

 

“So,” Alluka hummed, not even trying to hide the amusement in her voice. “Your shirt is ripped.”

 

Killua wasn’t surprised she had noticed, he was only surprised that she had waited this long to mention it.

 

“And Gon seems to have gotten a new bracelet. One that looks an awful lot like the hem of a shirt,” she said, and Killua could see her grin out of the corner of her eye. Then her features shifted a bit, the smile staying in place as it turned black.

 

“Matches Killua’s,” Nanika said happily, and it was Alluka who nodded.

 

“It sure does,” Alluka laughed, and turned to Killua. “So, big brother, what’s that all about?” she asked. Killua grinned smugly down at her.

 

“Fashion,” he said, and Alluka burst into loud, delighted laughter. She leaned against Killua’s shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. He put his weight on the ship’s rail and watched as Whale Island vanished beyond the horizon.

 

Leaving Gon still hurt, but it didn’t hurt as much this time.

______________________________

Two hours later, Gon could still feel the pressure of Killua’s lips against his cheek. He was sure he was imagining it, but as he brushed his fingers against the warm spot on his cheek, he found he didn’t care. Killua had kissed him. _Killua_ had kissed _him_ , and he wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. He thought about it the entire walk back to his house.

 

He’d been kissed on the cheek before, of course, but it had never been quite like when Killua had done it. He’d never felt his stomach twist like that before. The only time anything like that had happened was when Killua would lean too far into Gon’s space, to the point that he was the only thing Gon could focus on.

 

And the hand holding. The hand holding had done it too.

 

Gon bit his lip. He wasn’t sure why he was smiling, wasn’t sure why he was _blushing_ , but found that because it was Killua he didn’t really mind. Plus, he had an idea of what it was- something he’d been thinking about for months, maybe even longer- but he’d never put a name to. It felt like defining his feelings for Killua, even to himself, was something important, something permanent, and he wasn’t willing to get it wrong.

 

Mito poked her head into Gon’s room, breaking him out of his thoughts. “How are you feeling?” she asked, worry lining her voice.

 

“I’m not upset,” he told her, completely honest, and watched her face soften into a smile. “I’ll see them both again.”

 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mito said, slipping into the room to fondly ruffle Gon’s hair before heading back downstairs.

 

Gon settled back onto his bed, grabbing his phone from the bedside table and going through his messages until finding the most recent one from Kite. It wasn’t anything more than a coordinate point, and Gon couldn’t help but grin. He didn’t need to worry about when he would see Killua again. All he had to do now was prepare for this hunt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Ging finds Gon. It goes better than either of them might expect.

It was strange for Ging to be the one searching for Gon. He had assumed he would still be on Whale Island, but he should have known better. Gon was as much of a wanderer as he was. On the last day of his trip to the island, he told the captain of the ship he had joined why he was going, and the man’s face had pinched into a frown.

 

“You’re looking for Gon?” he asked, and Ging nodded. “Then I’m afraid you’re out of luck my friend. He left a little over three months ago.”

 

Ging blinked in surprise. “He did? Do you know where he went?” 

 

The captain nodded. “Yeah, he hired my brother to take him up to those islands a couple hundred miles north. You know, the ones with all the rapids?” 

 

Ging hummed. “The Raidan islands, right? That’s a dangerous trip.” 

 

The captain huffed a laugh and took a deep drag from his pipe. “It sure is. If that kid wasn’t half as quick as he is they wouldn’t have made it.” He eyed Ging carefully for a moment, before grinning. “You should be proud.” 

 

Ging’s lips twitched up, but he didn’t meet the captain’s eyes. They spent the rest of the journey in a comfortable silence, the late afternoon sun bearing down on them as they pulled into Whale Island’s harbour. Ging stepped off the boat carefully, letting the sights and sounds of his old home wash over him. 

 

It had been fourteen years, but the island hadn't changed. Some of the older residents still recognized him, smiling and waving as he passed through the town, making his way further across the island to the house he had grown up in. 

 

When he finally crested the hill, he was more relieved than he cared to admit that Mito wasn’t standing in the yard. Instead there was Abe, her old rocking chair propped outside as she sat knitting, her face tilted towards the warm sun. It was a wonderfully familiar sight. 

 

“Grandma,” Ging called, and she turned to him, her eyes widening as a chuckle slipped past her lips. She opened her arms, and Ging stepped into her hug. There was a surprising strength in her skinny arms. 

 

“For a moment I thought you were Gon,” Abe said, pulling back and patting Ging’s cheek. He grinned at her. 

 

“Sorry to disappoint,” he laughed, biting down the sound and wincing when she pinched his ear. 

 

“Don’t say that,” she scolded, and for a moment Ging felt like a child again. “I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to see you again before I die.” 

 

Ging blinked. Somehow, he’d forgotten how blunt Abe could be. “You’re not that old,” he told her. “Not for a Freecss.” 

 

Abe hummed, thoughtful in a sad sort of way. “I’m  _ very _ old for a Freecss,” she said, and Ging bit his tongue. “Tragedy runs in this family just as much as talent does.” 

 

Ging sighed and gently took Abe’s hand in his. It wasn’t that he had forgotten what had happened to his parents, or his aunt and uncle- it simply wasn’t something that he carried with him. Not in the way that Abe did. 

 

“You’re not that old,” Ging said again, and this time she allowed it. 

 

“I suppose not,” she admitted with a smile. “Now help me inside, would you?” 

 

Ging nodded, but rather than helping Abe to her feet, he slipped one arm behind her shoulders and the other under her knees, lifting her as gently as possible. Ging carried her inside carefully, grateful that the front door was unlocked. The house didn’t seem to have changed too much, Ging realized, and Abe patted his shoulder. He set her down as softly as he could, and she smiled up at him. 

 

“You and your son are both such show-offs,” she said, a laugh lining her voice as she shuffled past Ging and into the kitchen. If he had to guess, she was making tea, and no amount of insisting he didn’t want any would stop her. 

 

He took the time she was gone to study the small changes in the house. It all felt so much smaller, which Ging supposed made sense. Some of the furniture had aged, while some of it had been replaced by pieces Ging had never seen before- still well used. The biggest difference were the photos in the dining room, covering most of a wall, almost all of them of Gon. Some were of him growing up- like one of him as a round faced child, dancing in the front yard with a foxbear cub in his arms. In others he was older, more recognizable to Ging- appearing over and over again with people Ging didn’t know, and others he could only guess at. 

 

Killua Zoldyck was easy enough to recognize, given everything Gon had told Ging about him. He was in a number of the pictures, including the largest one- him, Gon, and a young girl, standing at the base of the world tree. If Ging had to guess, that would be the sister that Killua was set on protecting. Without realizing it, Ging had brought his hand up to brush the frame. 

 

“They’re sweet children,” Abe said, appearing with a tray of tea that she carefully slid onto the dining room table. Ging sat before she could tell him to, accepting the cup she held out to him as she nodded towards the picture. “It was good to see that boy smiling.” 

 

“You saw him recently?” Ging asked, not bothering to let the tea cool before taking a sip. It was just shy of scalding. 

 

Abe nodded. “Killua and Alluka visited two weeks before Gon left.” She drank her own tea quickly, just as unbothered by the heat as Ging was. 

 

“You don’t know where Gon is now, do you?” Ging asked, certain that if Gon had reached the Raidan Islands three months ago, he wasn’t there now. Ging could track him, he knew, but it would be easier if someone knew where he was. 

 

Unsurprisingly, Abe shook her head. “I don’t. But I believe Mito does,” she said, and then smiled. “It’s a good thing that you came when you did- Mito shouldn’t be back till late.” 

 

Ging laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck in discomfort. “I don’t think she would have let me in the house,” he said. There were few things that truly scared Ging, but facing Mito was one of them. She was only a teenager the last time Ging had seen her, and even then she’d been a force of nature- breaking Ging’s nose and taking legal custody of his son all in one day. 

 

It was a miracle, Ging figured, that Mito had let Gon follow in his footsteps and become a hunter. But she probably loved Gon far more than she hated Ging. If that was the case, she might tell Ging where Gon was, once she knew he was looking to help him. 

 

Bu things rarely went to plan with Mito. Ging was reminded of this when, despite what Abe had just said, the door opened and Mito stepped inside. It was strange to see her so much older- fully grown and with her hair cropped short. She didn’t notice Ging right away, too busy slipping out of her muddy boots and setting them by the door. Then she looked up, and their eyes met. 

 

For once, Ging decided to keep his mouth shut. Mito stared at him for a moment, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open, like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Maybe there was a warmth there, but it was gone so quickly Ging figured he could have imagined it. Mito’s features sharpened into something colder, something dangerous. 

 

“I thought I told you to never come back,” she said, her voice horribly pleasant- as if she was commenting on the weather. It sent chills down Ging’s spine. He hoped it didn’t show on his face. 

 

“I’m looking for Gon,” Ging told her, hoping that bringing up Gon would soften her anger. He realized his mistake the moment her shoulders tensed. 

 

“Why?” she hissed, more of a demand than a question. 

 

Ging threw his hands up in surrender, wishing that he had been standing when Mito came in so that she wouldn’t be looming over him now. “I want to help him.” 

 

It was another mistake. Mito straightened up, crossing her arms tightly over her chest and going horribly still. 

 

“Help him do what?” she asked, her voice cold. “Get himself killed?” 

 

_ That _ was too much. “Do you think I don’t care about him?” Ging snapped, his temper flaring before he could stop it. 

 

“I  _ know _ you don’t,” Mito snarled, as furious as the time she’d brought her fist to Ging’s face in a single, bone shattering blow. “You’ve never cared about anyone but yourself.” 

 

Something foul coiled in Ging’s stomach. “You don’t really think that,” Ging said, his voice carefully controlled. 

 

Just as quickly as it had surfaced, Mito’s anger left. When she was younger, she would have pushed for a fight. Now she only sighed, her shoulders drooping and her eyes softening into a disappointed look. It was worse than it would have been if she’d started yelling. 

 

“I do think that, Ging,” she said- quiet and sad. She had to be lying, Ging knew, but it still made him shift in discomfort. 

 

He thought he had made peace with Mito hating him. It seemed he hadn’t. 

 

Before Ging could say anything, Mito turned away from him, hunching her shoulders. 

 

“How long will you be staying?” she asked, as flatly as if she’d been speaking to a stranger. 

 

“Just tonight,” Ging said, crossing his arms over his chest. “If you won’t tell me where Gon is, I’ll leave for the Raidan Islands tomorrow to track him.” 

 

“You can stay in Gon’s room, then,” Mito said, her words carefully clipped. “I want you out of my house by dawn.” 

 

Ging wanted to argue, wanted to rile Mito up because he  _ knew _ how to handle that, but Abe set a gentle hand on his wrist. When Ging met her eyes, she shook her head slowly. 

 

“Alright,” Ging said, and Mito nodded. 

 

“Good. Now come make yourself useful and peel carrots for dinner.” 

 

Ging went without an argument. It was easier to do than deal with the cold feeling of Mito’s eyes on his neck. He realized, as he stood in the kitchen peeling carrots and handing them off to Mito, that she used the same stew recipe her father had. It took a couple hours to make, and they were spent in a tense, uncomfortable silence. No matter how hard Ging tried to catch Mito’s eyes, she refused to look at him. 

 

The stew turned out delicious, but it was difficult to eat in the face of Mito’s cold silence. Or it was for Ging- Abe hardly seemed bothered by it. Before long, Ging was slinking up the stairs, feeling like a stranger in a home that had once been his. That feeling only got worse when he stepped into Gon’s room. 

 

It had been Ging’s room, once, but that was clearly a long time ago. It felt like an invasion of privacy for him to step inside, kicking off his boots and tucking his pack against the bed as he sat on it. The space was so clearly Gon’s in every way- from the fishing rod mounted on the wall, to the vibrant green jacket slung over the back of the desk chair. 

 

There wasn’t even a layer of dust to convince Ging that Gon really had left months ago.

 

A floorboard in the hallway creaked, and Ging sensed more than saw Mito appear in the doorway. “I don’t regret it,” he told her, and she slid silently across the room, sitting next to Ging on Gon’s bed. 

 

“Why not?” she asked, her hands curling into fists where they rested in her lap. 

 

“Do you really think I’m cut out to be a father?” Ging snorted, and Mito’s eyes flashed up to his for the first time in hours. She looked away so quickly that Ging thought he could have imagined it. “Odds are the kid wouldn’t have survived what I was doing. It was better to leave him with you and Grandma, where he’d be safe and cared for.” 

 

Mito sighed and ducked her head. “You make it sound like you were making a selfless choice.” 

 

Ging forced a laugh. “You know as well as I do that I did it for myself. Just like I know why you took him,” Ging said, and Mito’s shoulders tensed. 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“I remember how much you hated the idea of having kids.” Ging rolled his eyes, and Mito bristled. 

 

“I didn’t want a  _ husband _ ,” she hissed. “That’s different.” 

 

Ging waved her off. “You know what I meant. You didn’t care about Gon back then. You did it because you thought it would hurt me.” 

 

Mito’s mouth shut with a sharp click. She stared at Ging, not quite glaring, but not smiling either. 

 

“I know that’s not true now,” Ging went on, taking her lack of anger as a good sign. “But you got what you wanted. He’s more your son than he is mine. That’s for the best.” 

 

Mito finally broke her silence. “It doesn’t bother you?” she asked, nearly incredulous, and Ging shook his head. 

 

“No. It was better this way,” Ging said with a soft sigh. “But still, I’m a bit surprised you even told him about me.” 

 

“I didn’t, at first,” Mito admitted. “I told him his parents died in a car accident.” 

 

Ging sat up a bit straighter in surprise. “What changed?”

 

“I grew up, Ging,” Mito said, finally relaxing as her shoulders dipped down and her hands uncurled. “I realized that Gon had a right to know, a right to make his own decisions and live his own life, even if I didn’t like it. That’s why I didn’t stop him from taking the hunter exam.” 

 

Ging had wondered about that- had wondered what let Mito set aside her desire to protect Gon and let him chase after Ging. It seemed, like with everything else Mito did for Gon, it was love. 

 

Ging’s father had once told him that a Freecss was a selfish creature above all else, but maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he had only been making excuses for himself, ones that Ging would make too. Maybe Gon would be different- if this was how Mito raised him. 

 

“You really are the best parent the kid could have had,” Ging said, rubbing at the back of his neck. Mito huffed, but Ging could tell by the color on her cheeks that she was pleased.

 

“Of course I am,” she mumbled. “The only other option was  _ you _ .” 

 

Ging threw his head back and laughed. After a moment Mito joined him, and Ging almost felt like a child again. He regretted making her hate him. When they finally settled down, Ging’s sides ached. The silence around them felt comfortable in a way it hadn’t in some twenty years. 

 

“Are you really going to help Gon?” Mito asked, her eyes bright and determined when they met Ging’s. 

 

“Yeah, I am. He’s vulnerable without his nen,” Ging sighed, running a heavy hand through his hair. “It’s going on two years since he lost it. I’m going to help him get it back.” 

 

Maybe knowing that would upset Mito, but Ging decided then and there to be fully honest with her, from that point out. 

 

Mito stood a bit stiffly, and brushed off the front of her skirt. She stared Ging down for a moment, before closing her eyes and sighing. 

 

“Gon is on a hunt with Kite,” Mito told him, and Ging’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Last he told me, they were headed to a forest in the middle of the Kakin Empire.” 

 

“Thank you,” Ging said, pouring sincerty into his voice as Mito turned to leave the room. 

 

“All I want is for Gon to be happy,” Mito said. “So you better be serious about helping him.” 

 

“I am,” Ging promised, and Mito nodded before slipping out of the room. 

 

After she had left, Ging dropped back onto the bed, tucking his hands behind his head. It was strange for him to imagine Gon growing up in the room he was staying in. It was strange to imagine him growing up at all. It was difficult for Ging to picture Gon as anything other than the infant he’d known and the teenager he’d met. He pushed those thoughts out of his head easily enough, and settled down to sleep. 

 

Ging woke just before the sun did, the first glimmerings of dawn light creeping in through the window. He slipped out of bed and stretched, rolling his neck carefully to work some of the tension out of it. When he was satisfied, he grabbed his bag and crept quietly down the stairs. 

 

He wasn’t surprised to find Mito and Abe already sitting in the dining room, speaking quietly over steaming cups of tea. He was surprised, however, that when Mito looked up at him, there wasn’t any resentment in her eyes. 

 

“Are you leaving?” she asked, her voice soft and tired. 

 

Ging nodded. “I’ll need to move quickly if I want to catch up with Gon,” he said. “Plus, you did tell me to be out of here by dawn.” 

 

Mito paused for a moment, before rolling her eyes and standing, bushing past Ging and into the kitchen. “Stay for breakfast,” she told him, and Ging knew it was more of a demand than an offer. “It would be cruel to send you off with an empty stomach.” 

 

Ging’s lips twitched up, and he pulled out a seat at the table, sitting down across from Abe. She grinned at him. 

 

“It seems you’ve gotten back on Mito’s good side,” she pointed out, and Ging laughed. 

 

“I wouldn’t go  _ that _ far,” Ging said. “But she isn’t mad at me right now, and I’m more than happy to take that.” 

 

Ging knew that Mito hadn’t forgiven him. She probably never would. But as she stepped back out of the kitchen a few minutes later and set a large plate of eggs and toast down in front of him, he realized she might not hate him after all.  

 

______________________________

 

After leaving Whale Island, it had been easy enough to get to the Kakin Empire. What was harder was tracking Kite’s team. Kite had a habit of moving in ways that were almost untraceable, even when he wasn’t on the run. Ging had taught him that. In another situation Ging might have been proud, but as it was he was a bit irritated that it took him nearly two weeks to find Kite’s team. 

 

They were camping in the middle of a dense forest when Ging finally caught up to them in the middle of the night. Most of them were asleep, curled up in sleeping bags near a large campfire. Ging spotted Gon’s spikey head of hair poking out from one of them. Only one person was awake- a lean figure hunched over itself before the fire, carefully carving a piece of wood with a sharp knife. Violet eyes briefly flickered up to Ging, widening in surprise before quickly looking back down. It was a jarring sight. 

 

The presence, the aura, they were both undeniably Kite’s, but the body was entirely different. Ging knew Kite had changed, but he hadn’t realized it would be so drastic. 

 

Ging walked silently into the camp and settled down across the fire from Kite, who didn’t look up from his whittling. Her whittling.  _ Their _ whittling. Ging sighed. The situation with Gon could wait a bit longer. He needed to sort this out first. 

 

“So,” Ging called, and Kite’s eyes flickered up to him. “New body, huh?” 

 

Kite snorted, which wasn’t very like them, but the half-smile on their lips was distinctly familiar. Ging cleared his throat, hoping the situation wasn’t as painfully awkward for Kite as it was for him. 

 

“It’s pretty different,” Ging said, which was an understatement in every way. Kite’s expression didn’t change, but their tail flicked. “How are you holding up with all the… uh… changes?” Ging asked, wincing a bit at his word choice. 

 

“It’s strange being so young again. And short,” Kite admitted, their voice higher and smoother than Ging had ever heard. But even if the pitch of their voice had shifted, the cadence hadn’t, and neither did the careful way they shaped their words. They tucked a strand of vibrant red hair behind their ear. “Even now I keep expecting I’ll be able to reach things that are far above my head.” 

 

“That makes sense,” Ging sighed, scratching at the back of his neck. Kite was half the height they used to be. But that wasn’t really what Ging wanted to know. “What about the… other stuff?” 

 

“The tail has taken some getting used to, but I have full control over it now,” Kite said and, to demonstrate, passed the wood they were holding to the tail, waving it through the air a few times before setting it back in their hand. 

 

“And the whole... Being uhh...”  _ being a girl _ , Ging trailed off, not sure how to ask in a way that wasn’t rude. Kite could be unpredictable about what would insult them, and Ging hadn’t actually come all the way just to piss off an old friend. This time. 

 

Kite raised a thin eyebrow. “Being what?” They asked, and a realization hit Ging. 

 

He was being fucked with. 

 

“You’re doing this on purpose,” he said and Kite laughed. The sound was jarringly different, but at the same time, familiar. 

 

“Am I now?” They hummed, their eyes sliding past Ging’s shoulder to where their team lay sleeping on the ground. Where  _ Gon _ lay sleeping. 

 

Ging narrowed his eyes. “This is about Gon, then. Well, what is it? I  _ know _ you aren’t mad that I had him chasing me. I can’t read minds, you know.”

 

Kite’s lips twitched up. “Sometimes I wonder about that,” they said. “And I know I’m not the only one.” 

 

Ging’s mind slipped back to the chairman election, to Cheadle nearly having an aneurysm trying to figure out how Ging  _ knew _ . 

 

And that was it. 

 

“You’re mad that I didn’t visit Gon in the hospital,” Ging said. Kite blinked. 

 

“Am I?”

 

Ging scoffed. “Cryptic is a bad look for you. But yeah, that’s what you’re pissed about.”

 

Kite’s eyes had once again drifted to Gon, unusually soft. Ging had to give the kid credit for having such an impact on Kite in such a short amount of time. But given everything they had gone through together, it wasn’t surprising.

 

“I didn’t visit him either,” Kite said, and Ging shook his head. 

 

“You were halfway across the world, and I’m willing to bet you were searching for a way to help him. You’re pissed that I was there and didn’t do anything.” 

 

“Maybe I am,” Kite admitted, rubbing at the back of their neck. “But you’ve already been punched for it, so I suppose it wouldn’t be fair for me to hit you.”

 

Ging sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. “You saw that huh?”

 

“Of course. For a few months the video played every time you went to the hunter website.” 

 

Ging bit back a groan, ignoring the way Kite’s shoulders twitched in suppressed laughter. “Well, whatever. That doesn’t matter now. I didn’t visit him, and I don’t regret it. It would be unfair for him, wouldn't it? To spend that long looking for me just to have me  _ show up _ .” Ging sighed. “I thought about it, but I decided not to.” 

 

As much as the thought of meeting Gon had made him squirm, it wasn’t cowardice alone that had kept Ging from visiting him. It was the understanding that, in too many ways, Gon was like him, and he would have felt  _ cheated _ .  

 

“You had someone watching him, didn’t you?” Kite hummed. 

 

Ging rolled his eyes. “Of course I did.”

 

Kite set their whittling down and leaded forward, lacing their fingers together. “You were looking for a cure,” they said, and Ging huffed, but made no move to deny it. Kite was a tricky person to lie to. Not for any moral or emotional reason- at least, not one that Ging cared about- but because they had the habit of being almost unnervingly perceptive. 

 

“I had faith in the kid’s friends. But it didn’t hurt to look into a few things,” Ging admitted and Kite smiled. 

 

“You should tell him,” Kite said. 

 

“Hell no,” Ging hissed, embarrassment warming the back of his neck. 

 

“Why not?” Kite asked, tilting their head in a way that felt more animal than human. “Are you worried he’ll start to think you care? Because he already knows you do.”

 

“Fuck off,” Ging snapped, his voice only half as biting as he had meant it to be. He ignored the way Kite’s eyebrows had risen to their hairline. “Now, if you’re ready to be straight with me, how are you holding up?” Ging asked, and the harsh amusement on Kite’s face softened. 

 

“I think we both know that I’m alright with this, Ging,” they said, and Ging felt his lips twitch. 

 

“Yeah, I know. But what I  _ don’t _ know is how to address you.”

 

Kite blinked slowly. “What do you mean?”

 

Ging didn’t fight the urge to roll his eyes. “I  _ mean _ do you want to be addressed as a man? As a woman? As neither?” 

 

“Oh,” Kite said, their voice pleasantly surprised. “You know I’ve always been fine with anything.”

 

“Being  _ fine _ with something isn’t the same as wanting it,” Ging sighed, because hadn’t that been so much of his life. 

 

Kite leaned back a bit, clearly thinking. “I think… I like being addressed as a woman.”

 

That was that then. Ging grinned. “Well that was easy enough, wasn’t it  _ miss _ .”

 

Kite’s nose wrinkled. “ _ That _ I don’t like,” she said, and Ging laughed. 

 

There was a soft rustling sound behind him, and when he turned around he found Gon sitting up in his sleeping bag, rolling his neck. Their eyes met, and Gon stared at him in confusion for a moment, blinking slowly. 

 

“Ging?” he asked, his voice a bit lower than the last time Ging had heard it. 

 

“Yo,” he said, offering Gon a small salute. Gon grinned brightly back at him. 

 

Kite cleared her throat, and Gon’s eyes flickered up to her. “Why are you awake, Gon?” she asked, and Gon shrugged. 

 

“I don’t know. I just had a weird feeling,” he said. “But Ging’s here, so maybe that was it.”

 

Ging felt his eyebrow twitch. “You calling me a weird feeling, kid?”

 

Gon’s only response was to stick his tongue out, quickly distracted by a buzzing coming from the jacket he’d been using as a pillow. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, a delighted smile blooming on his face. 

 

“Killu- Alluka? What’s wrong?” The smiled dropped off his face in a moment, quickly replaced by a growing worry. He tucked his phone against his ear and stood- limbs that couldn’t quite be described as lanky unfurling as he left the camp. He offered Ging and Kite a silent nod before disappearing, soundlessly, in the direction of a nearby lake. 

 

Ging turned back to Kite. “Think it’s anything serious?” he asked. 

 

Kite shook her head. “No. If it was, I don’t think he would have reacted like that,” she said, the frown that had taken root on her face slowly fading. 

 

Ging sighed, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands. “The kid’s getting taller, huh,” he mumbled, more to himself than Kite. It didn’t stop her from responding. 

 

“He’s going to be taller than you,” she said. Ging tried, and failed, not to let the thought bother him. 

 

“Well, whatever. That’s not important right now. He’s trying to get his nen back, isn’t he?” Ging asked, and Kite nodded. A moment later, her eyes lit up.

 

“That’s why you’re here,” she said. “You know a way.” 

 

Ging grinned. “Yeah, I do.” Because Gon was like him in all the ways that hurt, and even if the mistakes they’d made weren’t the same, the consequences were. “Mind if I borrow him from your hunt?”

 

“Gon is one of the most useful members of my team,” Kite said. “But I think I can give him up for this.” 

 

“Thanks,” Ging said, standing up and cracking his back. He leaned over and ruffled Kite’s hair- something he hadn’t been able to do for years. Kite swatted at his hand, but she was smiling as Ging turned away, following Gon’s path through the forest. It didn’t take long to find him.

 

Gon was sitting at the base of a tree, staring out at a glassy lake. He didn’t look up or react when Ging sat next to him. His phone was cradled loosely in his hands, the screen lit up with a blurry picture of a pale teenager with bright white hair. It was enough to recognize Killua in an instant. 

 

Gon let out a soft sigh. With anyone else, it might have been an invitation to ask what was wrong, but Ging knew better. Instead of saying anything, he settled more comfortably against the tree. He had a feeling they would be there for awhile. 

 

And they were. By Ging’s best guess, three hours slipped by before Gon even moved, and all he did was tilt his head back against the tree. After another hour he moved his head again, this time to meet Ging’s eyes. 

 

“You seemed kinda worked up earlier,” Ging said, and Gon nodded. 

 

“Killua got hurt. It was just a little accident, nothing bad. He’ll be fine in a day or two. But it’s hard not to worry when I can’t be there. When I can’t see for myself, you know?”

 

It wasn’t really a question, but Ging nodded anyway. Gon didn’t know about what Ging had been doing when he was in the hospital, he never  _ would _ if Ging had any say in the matter, but he could still offer Gon his understanding. That much was simple. 

 

“Ging,” Gon said, and Ging hummed- silently as glad as ever that Gon called him by his first name. He wasn’t sure what he would do if the kid insisted on calling him ‘dad’. But Gon, it seemed, was good with small mercies. 

 

“How do you know the difference between loving someone and being  _ in love _ with someone?”

 

Ging choked. Coughed. Pounded on his chest to get his breath back and buy time to gather his thoughts.  _ This _ was the last thing he expected Gon to ask him. 

 

He wasn’t cut out for this. 

 

“Is this about Killua?” he asked, when he could finally breathe again. Gon nodded. 

 

“I know I love him,” Gon said, redness creeping onto his cheeks. “I know I’ve loved him for a really long time, I just don’t know  _ how _ I love him, and if it’s the same now as it used to be.”

 

For a moment, Ging thought about running. It would be easier than dealing with this, but Kite might chase him down, and Gon would probably look disappointed the next time Ging saw him- and since  _ when _ did he care about that- so it wouldn’t be worth it. 

 

Maybe. 

 

Ging took a deep breath. “Well, kid, people can feel  _ lots _ of different ways about each other…” Ging trailed off, trying to find some way to lead into this that  _ didn’t _ make him want to die. He wasn’t having any luck. 

 

Gon blinked at him. “Are you… Are you trying to give me the sex talk?” he asked, and Ging grit his teeth. Running was becoming more appealing. “You don’t have to. Mito’s already given me it twice. Besides, that’s not even what I’m talking about.” 

 

A horrible weight lifted itself from Ging’s shoulders. Of course Mito had already talked to him about this, the kid was sixteen. He sighed. “Thank fucking- wait. Twice?” Ging asked, sitting up a bit straighter. Even for Mito that sounded… excessive. 

 

Gon shrugged. “She talked to me the first time about girls, but then she realized I might like boys so she gave it to me again about a week later.” 

 

It sounded like something Mito would do. Ging leaded his head against the tree. “Okay. That’s… okay. But it’s  _ not  _ what we’re talking about?”

 

Gon shook his head. “No. I’m just trying to figure out how I feel.” 

 

“Well, I guess I’ll ask you this,” Ging started, adjusting himself to face Gon. “How long do you want to be with him?”

 

“Forever,” Gon said, without a moment of hesitation. “But there are lots of people I want to have in my life forever.” 

 

Ging hummed, and nodded his understanding. “Then I guess the question is what’s different about the way you feel for Killua?” 

 

Gon’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean do you feel the same about him as you do for all those other people but  _ more _ ? Or do you feel something different? Or maybe even both.” 

 

Relationships of  _ any _ sort were hardly Ging’s area of expertise. He knew it, and he knew Gon did too. But this? This was easy. The answer was as clear as day, the problem was getting Gon to see it. 

 

“I guess,” Gon hummed, “that it’s both.” He blinked at Ging. “Does that mean I’m in love with him?” 

 

“It means that what you feel for him is special,” Ging said. “How you define that is up to you.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

Gon didn’t sound disappointed, or happy, or any particular sort of way. He was clearly thinking, so Ging leaned back again, pulling his hat lower over his eyes and getting comfortable against the tree. After half an hour, he let himself fall asleep. 

 

When he woke, it was to Gon shifting where he sat and the first gentle rays of sunlight peeking over the horizon. He sat up and cracked his neck, feeling Gon’s stare on the side of his face. 

 

“So?” he asked, looking over to meet Gon’s shining eyes. 

 

“I’m in love with him,” Gon said, a bright smile on his face. 

 

Ging couldn’t help but grin. He looped an arm around Gon’s neck and dragged him down, fiercely ruffling his hair as Gon laughed and squirmed- trying to break his hold. Ging relented eventually, only because he was fairly sure Gon’s next move would be to bite him. The moment he was released Gon shuffled a few feet away, and Ging laughed at the pout on his face. 

 

“So are you gonna tell him?” he asked, his lips twitching up when Gon’s face flared red. 

 

“Not yet,” Gon said, his voice surprisingly steady. “I’ll tell him when we see each other again.”

 

Ging smiled. “And when will that be?” he asked, already knowing the answer. 

 

Gon’s hands curled into fists, his eyes going sharp with determination. “When I get my nen back.” 

 

“What makes you think you can?” Ging asked, but Gon didn’t back down. 

 

“I just know,” Gon told him, and Ging’s eyes lit up. The kid had good instincts. 

 

“It could be painful,” Ging said. “It could take  _ years _ .” 

 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m going to do it.” 

 

Ging couldn’t help himself, he threw his head back and laughed. Gon didn’t seem bothered by his reaction, only watching curiously as Ging stood and cracked his back, before holding a hand out to Gon. 

 

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Ging said, and wicked grin blooming on his face. “What do you say, kid? Do you trust me?” 

 

Gon’s eyes flickered down to Ging’s hand, before drifting back up to meet his. His mouth was set in a thin, serious line as he took Ging’s hand and pulled himself to his feet. 

 

“I do,” Gon said, and something like pride bloomed in Ging’s chest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distance doesn't always mean too much

Ging’s training was harsh, but Gon found he didn’t mind it. They were constantly on the move, cutting through thick forests and arid deserts, in territories Gon had never even heard of before. Ging had threatened to leave Gon behind if he faltered, and Gon knew that unlike Kite, Ging really would. It was exhilarating, pushing Gon in a way that he’d never been pushed before. 

 

The only constant was Killua’s phone calls. Twice a week Gon would slip away from Ging and his camp, his phone cradled in his hand waiting for Killua’s contact to light up the screen. It had been just over a year since the last time Gon had seen Killua, so he treasured the time they spent talking. Treasured the sound of Killua’s voice and the warmth that would bloom in Gon’s chest as he spoke. 

 

Killua was late with his call, but Gon didn’t worry. Instead he settled more comfortably on the cliff’s edge he’d chosen to sit on, swinging his legs out over an impossible void. The stars above him were bright and clustered tightly together, the way they were in the skies over Whale Island. 

 

Gon’s phone started ringing, and he didn’t even look before answering the call and pressing the phone to his ear. 

 

“Ah, Killua you-”

 

“I think Zushi has a crush on Alluka.” Killua’s sharp voice cut Gon off, cracking as it trailed off. 

 

Gon heard more than felt his mouth snap shut as he stared blankly into space, trying to process Killua’s rushed words. 

 

“What?” he finally asked. Killua took a deep, shuddering breath. 

 

“I  _ said _ , I think that Zushi has a crush on Alluka,” Killua repeated, practically hissing, and Gon realized, abruptly, that he was  _ angry. _

 

Gon frowned, leaning back on his hands and tucking his phone against his shoulder. “I don’t see what the problem is,” he said, ignoring the way Killua spluttered. “I mean- Zushi is a friend, and I know you like him.” 

 

“I- Gon they’re  _ fourteen _ ,” Killua cried, and Gon’s frown deepened. 

 

“So what?” Gon asked. “We were thirteen when we fought the ants,” Gon said, trying his best not to let any defensiveness slip into his voice. Killua had no way of knowing that Gon had already been falling in love with him when they were that young. 

 

“That’s not the same thing,” Killua sighed. 

 

“I guess not,” Gon hummed. “I mean, we were risking our lives.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, and a moment later guilt was rolling in his stomach. He opened his mouth to say something- to apologize for bringing it up- but Killua cut him off. 

 

“Were we really that young?” he whispered, and a chill ran down Gon’s spine. 

 

“Yeah, we were,” Gon said, his voice just as quiet. They had turned fourteen in the middle of the debacle, but neither of them had noticed it. Killua had been too caught up in looking after Gon, and Gon- 

 

He’d been too focused on getting revenge. 

 

He bit down hard on his lip, the taste of iron flooding his mouth as he tried to keep his breathing steady. Killua noticed, because he always did. 

 

“Gon?” he called, gentle in the way he only was when he was worried. How much time had he spent worrying about Gon? How much had Gon ever thanked him for? 

 

“I really messed up back then, didn’t I?” Gon sighed. 

 

“Gon-” Killua started, but Gon cut him off, his words falling out in a quiet rush. 

 

“I never wanted to be someone who hurt you,” Gon whispered, and Killua took a sharp breath. For a horrible moment, he didn’t say anything. 

 

“What do you mean?” he finally asked, his voice so soft Gon barely heard him. 

 

“Your family was supposed to take care of you, to love you, but all they did was hurt you,” Gon explained, gritting his teeth as an image of Illumi flashed through his mind. “When I went to get you back from them, I promised myself that I would never hurt you like they did. But I did, didn’t I? I hurt you a lot, Killua.” 

 

It felt strange for Gon to finally admit something that had been eating away at him for years. When he had first apologized to Killua, it hadn’t been enough. Everything had still been too fresh for him to fully realize what he had done. When he had, it seemed there was never a good time to bring it up. Maybe this wasn’t either, but Gon wasn’t about to take back what he had said.

 

“I’m sorry, Killua. I promise, if you’ll let me, I’ll do better next time.” 

 

There was a soft sound over the line, one Gon almost didn’t recognize, but the moment he did he wanted to be sick. Killua didn’t cry loudly, he muffled it, tried to hide it like he did every other type of pain. 

 

“Why are you apologizing?” Killua finally asked. If Gon didn’t know him so well, he wouldn’t have noticed the way his voice shook. “You already told me you were sorry.” 

 

“It wasn’t enough,” Gon said, and Killua laughed wetly. Gon wished in that moment, more than he had in months, that they were together. 

 

“I forgave you a long time ago,” Killua told him, and Gon’s heart clenched. 

 

“But, Killua, I-” 

 

“Gon,” Killua cut him off, quiet and serious, and Gon bit his lower lip to keep from speaking. “You don’t get to decide who I forgive.” 

 

Gon dropped back against the ground, letting Killua’s words wash over him. He was being an idiot, he realized, for trying to fight Killua just because he hadn’t forgiven himself. 

 

“Killua,” he started, ready to explain that much, but Killua didn’t let him. 

 

“No, shut up, I’m talking now,” Killua snapped, his voice gentler than his words. Gon’s lips twitched up. “Listen, my family never apologized to me, not really. Even if they did I wouldn’t forgive them, because I know they wouldn’t mean it. I forgave you because I know you did,” Killua said, and a weight lifted from Gon’s shoulders. 

 

“Maybe you did hurt me,” Killua admitted, “and maybe I was upset at you for awhile. But you know what? I fucked up too. We were  _ kids _ . We should never have been there in the first place,” Killua sighed, and the sound washed over Gon, soothing him. “I forgave both of us a long time ago. So long as you promise not to lose your shit like that again, you should too.”

 

Gon’s lips twitched up. “I promise I won’t,” he said. 

 

“And forgiving yourself?” Killua pressed, and Gon huffed a laugh. 

 

“I’ll work on it,” Gon promised. 

 

“Good. I don’t want you feeling all guilty about this when we start travelling together again,” Killua said, and Gon’s chest warmed at the reminder. 

 

“I’ll work on it,” Gon repeated, and Killua snorted. “So, about Alluka and Zushi?” Gon asked, bringing them back to the start of the conversation. 

 

Killua sighed. “I guess… I’m not really bothered by their age, or the thought of Alluka dating- that’s her choice. It’s just- we’re leaving soon,” he said, and Gon blinked in surprise. 

 

“You are?” He couldn’t quite keep the shock out of his voice, and Killua snorted. 

 

“Yeah, we are. Alluka’s learned all the basics, so Wing thinks she should work on refining things,” he explained. “We’re going to Bisky next.” 

 

Gon sat up. “You’re going to Bisky? That’s awesome!” he cried. 

 

“Like hell it is,” Killua grumbled. “That hag is probably gonna be a nightmare.” 

 

“Killua we both know you like Bisky,” Gon said, a laugh lining his voice. For all the Killua and Bisky both complained about and insulted each other, Gon knew there was a genuine affection there. Neither of them would be willing to work so closely to someone they hated. Killua was probably more excited to see her than he would ever say. 

 

“Yeah fine,” Killua said, as if the admission pained him. “It’s just that we’re gonna have to leave soon. I don’t really know what to tell Alluka.” 

 

“I think you just have to trust her,” Gon said. “And support her no matter what she decides to do.” 

 

“Yeah,” Killua sighed. “I think you’re right, Gon.” 

 

Gon’s face split into a grin. “I know I am!”

______________________________

 

Two months later, Gon and Ging had moved campsites. There were no cliffs for Gon to dangle his feet off of, but there was a clearing in the forest with an open view of the night sky. Gon made his way there and sat quietly, breathing in the still night air as he waited for Killua to call. When he did, Gon answered on the first ring, and they spent the next half hour talking about how Killua and Alluka had made their plans and were packing their bags to head up north. 

 

“Why north?” Gon asked. 

 

“Apparently that’s where Bisky lives,” Killua said. “But it might just be where she’s having us meet her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually lives somewhere else and is just trying to keep people off her tail.” 

 

Gon laughed. “It’s surprising that you two don’t get along better, when you’re so much like her, Killua.” 

 

“I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be an insult or a compliment,” Killua grumbled. Gon grinned. 

 

“I think it’s a bit of both,” Gon said, and Killua laughed. 

 

“You know,” Gon said, after a quiet a few moments of silence, “it’s been a year and a half.” 

 

There were a few seconds of silence, and Gon could perfectly imagine Killua’s confused blink. 

 

“Since what?” he asked, and Gon’s lips twitched up. 

 

“Since we were on Whale Island, and I asked about the scar on your hand, and you told me to ask again in a year and a half.” 

 

“Fucking hell,” Killua mumbled, but he sounded more amused than angry. 

 

“I can wait longer,” Gon offered gently, “if it’s still too soon.”

 

“No,” Killua sighed. “I think it’ll be okay now.” 

 

Something about Killua’s voice made the hair on the back of Gon’s neck stand up- as if he had said ‘I think  _ you’ll _ be okay now’. For a while neither of them said anything, only breathing together in silence. Then Killua spoke up. 

 

“The scar came from a chimera ant throwing a nen dart through my hand,” Killua said, and Gon’s stomach sank. “I have a few more like it, in some of the other places he hit me.”

 

“I don’t remember an ant with an ability like that,” Gon breathed. 

 

“You weren’t there for this fight,” Killua told him. “It’s probably for the best that you weren’t.” 

 

“Why?” Gon asked even though he was fairly certain he wouldn’t like the answer. 

 

“Because I think you would have been killed,” Killua said, and Gon’s blood ran cold. “My nen was the only reason I got out, and even then…” Killua trailed off, and Gon took a deep, shaking breath.

 

“How close was it?” He hated how low, how  _ scared _ his voice sounded. He hated it even more when Killua sighed. 

 

“Do you remember when you couldn’t get in touch with me? And then I called you from that underground hospital?” Killua asked. 

 

“Yeah,” Gon said, his mouth dry. He barely slept at all those nights. As much as he trusted Killua and his abilities, there had been too much they didn’t know about their opponents. Not hearing from Killua had left Gon fearing the worst in a way he so rarely did. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been more relieved than when Killua called him. 

 

But listening to Killua now, hearing that the worst might have been possible… Gon didn’t know how to feel. 

 

“Ikalgo brought me there,” Killua said, cutting through the haze of Gon’s thoughts. “There’s no way I would have survived if he hadn’t.” 

 

Gon’s whole body felt cold. He laid down against the ground and tried to remember how to breathe. He let his eyes wander around, carefully noting everything he saw and felt in the way Ging had taught him to do when his thoughts were spiraling into panic. Hearing Killua’s gentle breathing over the line helped. 

 

“Gon?” Killua called, his voice a bit nervous. 

 

“Yeah?” Gon rasped, keeping his breathing carefully steady. 

 

“Are you ok?” Killua asked, and Gon let himself relax a bit at the sound of his voice. Killua hadn’t died. He was safe, he was healthy, he was talking to Gon. Worrying about what could have happened was pointless.

 

“I will be,” Gon told him. “I just… I just need a minute.”

 

“Yeah,” Killua sighed. Then there was a rustling sound, as if he’d pulled the phone away from his ear. Before Gon could ask about it, he heard something else- a muffled but still perfectly recognizable thumping. 

 

Gon’s lips twitched up as he closed his eyes and let the sound of Killua’s heartbeat wash over him. He kept his phone pressed against his ear, and could almost imagine that he had his head pressed against Killua’s chest. As if Killua would ever let that happen. Gon couldn’t help but snort at the thought. 

 

Just as quickly as Killua had brought the phone to his heart, he took it away. Gon was almost embarrassed by how quickly he missed it. 

 

“What exactly is so funny?” Killua hissed, and Gon bit down a laugh. He was absolutely certain that Killua was blushing- from the base of his neck to the roots of his hair. Gon only wished he could see it. 

 

“Nothing’s funny,” he lied. He continued without giving Killua a chance to chew him out. “Thank you,” he said, sincerely, and heard Killua’s breathing stutter. 

 

“For what?” Killua asked. 

 

“For not telling me then. I don’t- I’m not sure how well I would have handled it,” Gon said. He wasn’t entirely sure how well he was handling it  _ now _ , but he knew it was better know than it would have been when he first asked. 

 

“I didn’t want you to blame yourself,” Killua told him. “You aren’t, are you?” he asked, and Gon almost laughed. 

 

“No, I’m not,” he promised. “But I am mad.”

 

“About what?” 

 

Gon tilted his head back to look at the stars, and took a deep breath. “I’m mad that someone hurt you that badly. I’m mad that I knew something was wrong when you got back, but I didn’t ask about it. I’m mad that I wasn’t there for you,” Gon said. “But more than anything, I’m glad. I’m glad that Ikalgo helped you. I’m glad I didn’t lose you.” 

 

It felt good to put his feelings into words, when he’d struggled with them for such a long time. It felt good to be honest with Killua in every way. 

 

“You’re a sap,” Killua muttered, and Gon grinned. 

 

“Maybe I am, but you’re the one who agreed to be friends with me,” Gon teased. 

 

Killua snorted. “Yeah, right, like you gave me much of a choice,” he said, and Gon laughed. 

 

“Killua we both know you wouldn’t talk to me if you didn’t want to,” Gon said, because it was true. Killua could leave so easily, could stop picking up the phone, could block Gon’s number, could avoid him in every possible way. 

 

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Killua admitted. 

 

Gon smiled softly, more to himself than anyone else. “Thank you, Killua, for staying with me.” 

 

“Of course dumbass,” Killua whispered, and Gon felt his cheeks warm. “But seriously- what is with you tonight?” 

 

“Killua you just told me you could have  _ died _ ,” Gon said. “I think I’m allowed to get a bit sentimental.” 

 

“I guess you are,” Killua sighed. “For what it's worth, I’m glad you stayed with me too.” 

 

Warmth bloomed in Gon’s chest. He opened his mouth to say something else, but all that came out was a yawn. Killua laughed. 

 

“It’s pretty late for you isn’t it? You should be asleep,” Killua said, and Gon frowned. 

 

“I wanted to talk to you!” Gon argued. 

 

Killua snorted. “Go to bed, Gon.” 

 

“You really just need to finish packing your bag, don’t you?” Gon asked. 

 

“Maybe I do,” Killua admitted. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be asleep,” he said, and Gon laughed. “Goodnight, Gon.” 

 

“‘Night, Killua. I’ll talk to you in a few days?” Gon asked. 

 

“Same as always,” Killua replied, and it sounded like a promise. When he hung up, Gon sat basking in the silence that grew in the absence of Killua’s voice. After a few minutes he stood up, and made his way back to his and Ging’s camp.

______________________________

 

The next months passed in a haze of warm sun, learning, and relearning. Gon met every challenge head on, and Ging pushed back with an equal impossible stubbornness. One night, as they sat by their campfire, Ging took a long quiet look at Gon before running a heavy hand down his face. They looked even more alike these days, with their matching wild scruff and hair. But Gon stood at least half a head taller than Ging, much to his father’s quiet distress. 

 

There wasn’t any of it in his eyes now, just a sad sort of thoughtfulness. “Listen kid,” he sighed, sounding more like a parent than he ever had. (It reminded Gon a bit of Leorio, when he was leading into a lecture). “This world is full of awful things,” Ging said, and Gon met his eyes carefully. 

 

“We both know I know that,” Gon said, his voice surprisingly free of bitterness. “I think I’ve seen some of the worst of it.”

 

“Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t,” Ging told him, his voice thick with a strange mix of sharpness and gentleness that raised the hair on the back of Gon’s neck. 

 

“Maybe,” Gon admitted when Ging didn’t say anything else. 

 

Ging sighed heavily. “My point is you’re lucky to be alive. You can’t... you can’t afford to lose it like that again.”

 

Gon bit the inside of his cheek so hard that he tasted blood. “It wasn’t luck.” It had been Killua, and Alluka, and everyone else. Gon could never forget that. 

 

Ging hummed in agreement, and Gon met his eyes as steadily as he could. “But I know,” Gon said. “I know and I won’t.” He’d already promised Killua, and more importantly, himself. 

 

Ging stared at Gon for long moment, for once something that could have been regret shining in his eyes. “You never should have been there,” he said, and Gon’s throat tightened. “When Kite brought you there, she thought she knew what you were getting into. That I understand. But Netero...” Ging trailed off, sucking sharply at his teeth. “The old man never should have let you back in.” 

 

The look on Ging’s face couldn’t quite be described as anger, but Gon wasn’t sure what else to call it. 

 

“I was being fairly stubborn about it.” Gon forced a laugh, finding the gentlest way to describe the wild, violent state he’d been in. Ging’s expression softened into amusement. 

 

“Kid, no matter how tough you were you were  _ fourteen _ ,” Ging grinned sharply, “the old man could have stopped you. He should have.”

 

Gon sighed, before tilting his head back to look up at the stars. The tension that had been winding up in his chest eased. It was easy, in a way, to imagine a world in which he hadn’t been involved in the incident. In another, it was impossible. 

 

“Maybe you’re right,” Gon admitted. He hadn’t thought of himself as a kid then. Now he couldn’t not. “But I guess in a way I learned a lesson.”

 

Ging snorted. “That’s one way to look at it.”

 

“It’s how I have to look at it,” Gon told him, and Ging blinked, surprised. Gon wasn’t sure how to put it into words- how if he didn’t take anything away from all the suffering, he wouldn’t be able to stomach it. It was easier to think about now, after years of distance, but it was still a bitter memory. Gon figured it always would be, but he had made his own sort of peace with that. 

 

Ging seemed to read something on Gon’s face and nodded. “Some things are like that,” he said, his voice heavy with understanding. His eyes seemed to settle on a spot over Gon’s shoulder, and Gon sat up a bit straighter. 

 

“Did I ever tell you that I lost my nen too?” Ging asked. 

 

Gon shook his head and spoke softly, the sound almost swallowed by the dark. “No.”

 

Ging’s eyes flickered back to Gon’s, his lips curling up into a grin. “Why don’t I tell you about it then?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New beginnings.

Killua sat with his back pressed against the warm wall of Bisky’s cabin, his legs folded up in front of him so Alluka could lean against them. Her head was tilted against his knees, and her hair spilled down into his lap and his careful hands as he combed it. Alluka hummed a quiet melody, some song she had come up with on her own, and let herself relax. Killua didn’t bother biting down his smile as he started to braid Alluka’s hair. Few things made him happier than seeing her so at peace, so _safe_.

 

When Killua secured the braid with a bright pink ribbon, Alluka stopped humming. “I’m getting stronger,” she said, tilting her head even further back to meet Killua’s eyes.

 

“You’ve always been strong,” Killua told her, gently pushing her bangs away from her forehead. “Both of you,” he added, before pressing a quick kiss to her temple.

 

“Love you, Killua,” Nanika warbled, and Killua smiled.

 

“I love you too,” he told his sisters, and when Alluka reemerged, she was grinning.

 

“I think Bisky is running out of things to teach you,” she said.

 

Killua grinned, sharp and smug. “She _absolutely_ is,” he laughed, and Alluka pinched his leg in punishment.

 

“You don’t need to be mean about it,” Alluka scolded, but she didn’t bother hiding the amusement in her voice.

 

“I wasn’t being mean!” Killua cried, gently tugging at Alluka’s braid. “You have to admit it’s kinda funny seeing Bisky try to come up with things for me to do.”

 

“She doesn’t have to admit anything,” Bisky’s voice called, and Killua snapped his head up to see her standing in the cabin doorway- her hands planted on her hips and a scowl fixed on her face. Killua didn’t take it too seriously.

 

“Are we heading out?” Alluka asked, before either Killua or Bisky could start a fight. Bisky softened when she looked at Alluka.

 

“We are. It’s going to be a long day, so I hope you’re ready,” she said, and Alluka nodded and climbed to her feet, pausing a moment to haul Killua up, before skipping out the door.

 

Killua went to follow her, but Bisky raised a hand and stopped him in his tracks. “While I don’t appreciate you talking behind my back,” she said, her voice teasing, “I really don’t have anything left to teach you. However you want to move forward with your nen is yours to figure out. And I think we both know that.”

 

“Yeah,” Killua sighed. “Yeah, I know that.”

 

One of Bisky’s thin eyebrows twitched up. “So I’m wondering why you’re still here. It’s been months. I know it’s not because you wouldn’t be comfortable leaving Alluka with me.”

 

Killua grinned. The hag really was perceptive. “I’m waiting for something,” he told her, and Bisky frowned in confusion.

 

“What kind of something?” she asked. Killua didn’t answer- instead he slipped past her and out the door, bursting into laughter and then a run and she started shouting and chasing after him.

______________________________

 

‘Something’ happened nearly two weeks later, while Bisky trained Alluka in the woods and Killua sat perched in a tree above them, practicing his en. A presence entered the bubble of his nen, pushing him on guard and to attention, before he placed the familiar feeling of it and settled back against the tree, a wide grin growing on his face. He pulled his en back and instead set to watching the forest, where he knew _he_ would be coming from.

 

It only took a few minutes before a figure Killua swore he knew better than himself appeared from the trees. Killua didn’t hesitate.

 

“GON!” Killua cried, pulling the attention of Alluka, Bisky, and his best friend to him. He only had a moment to see Gon’s golden eyes widening in shock before, without thinking of it, Killua was dropping down out of the tree.

 

He might have thought to regret it, if it weren’t for the fact that Gon immediately threw out his arms, catching and cradling Killua against him before the thought of hitting the ground could even reach him.

 

Gon had changed again. The lines of his face had grown sharper, his shoulders broader, and even more Killua was sure he would discover soon enough. But none of that mattered- what mattered was him leaning forward to wind his arms around Gon in a crushing hug.

 

Gon wheezed a quiet laugh at Killua’s enthusiasm, but didn’t say anything. Instead he adjusted his hold, letting Killua’s legs drop down to the ground and wrapping his arms around his waist. At some point in their embrace they started rocking back and forth, but Killua didn’t notice it. He was too caught up in the steady, _real_ feeling of Gon in his arms and his breath on Killua’s neck.

 

Killua felt a bit lightheaded. He decided to blame it on the drop from the tree, rather than the feeling of Gon’s heartbeat against his chest. He knew he was lying to himself, but decided it didn’t matter when Gon tightened his grip and made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

 

Killua swallowed the knot of emotion forming in his throat and tucked his head against Gon’s shoulder, breathing him in.

 

“You smell like a desert,” Killua mumbled, the sound half swallowed by the thick fabric of Gon’s dark green jacket.

 

Gon laughed and pinched Killua’s waist. Killua smacked the back of his head in retaliation.

 

“I smell like a desert because I just came from a desert,” Gon said, his lips barely brushing Killua’s neck as he spoke.

 

“And why were you in a desert?” Killua asked, fighting the blush rising on his cheeks.

 

“Ging,” Gon said, and that one word was explanation enough.

 

Killua laughed, and finally pulled back enough to look at Gon, to meet his bright eyes, to rest a hand on his cheek and feel the warmth of his skin. Gon leaned into his touch, a soft expression on his face that Killua was sure he had never seen before, but something about it still felt painfully and wonderfully familiar.

 

The sharp sound of someone clearing their throat broke Killua out of his reverie, and Gon blinked in surprise, as if he hadn't realized they weren’t alone. A moment later a grin bloomed on his face.

 

“Bisky! Alluka!” he called, unwinding himself from Killua so slowly it was like it hurt him to do so.

 

But then he was taking a few steps forward and pulling Bisky into a quick hug before she could stop him. Then he turned to Alluka, lifting her by the waist and spinning her through the air the same way he had on Whale Island nearly three years before.

 

She laughed, bright and free and happy. When Gon put her back down onto the ground, she pulled him into a surprisingly fierce hug. Gon’s eyes widened at the strength in Alluka’s arms, but a moment later he was hugging her back.

 

“What are you doing here, Gon?” she asked when they finally split apart.

 

“I came to see you and Killua!” he cried, before glancing over at Bisky. “And Bisky too, of course.”

 

“Of course,” Bisky snorted, but the fondness on her face was undeniable.

 

“But there’s another reason I’m here,” Gon said, turning back to Killua.

 

Killua arched an eyebrow. “And what might that be?” he asked, unable to fight the smile growing on his face.

 

Gon grinned back at him. “Because I promised to come and see you, so we could travel again.”

 

Giddy excitement and disbelief buzzed under Killua’s skin. “Yeah,” he breathed. He could barely keep his voice steady. “When you got your nen back.”

 

Gon’s smile grew impossibly wide. “I kept my promise, Killua,” he said and Killua’s jaw dropped open, all his breath leaving him in a rush.

 

“You- you _did it_?” Killua gasped, taking a few steps forward to grab Gon’s shoulders. Gon took it as an invitation, and pulled Killua into another hug. A delighted laugh spilled from Killua’s lips, and a moment later Gon was joining him, hoisting him up and spinning him the same way he had Alluka.

 

When he finally set Killua back on the ground, they stared at each other; wide-eyed, breathless, and beaming with joy.

 

“Kite’s offered me a hunt,” Gon said, his voice shaking with excitement. His hands tightened on Killua’s waist, like he was afraid letting go would mean Killua vanishing. “I was wondering if you wanted to come along. Both of you.” At this, he tore his eyes away from Killua’s to meet Alluka’s.

 

She blinked in surprise, but quickly smiled. “I’m sorry Gon,” she said, as gently as possible. “I still need to finish my training with Bisky.”

 

“Oh.” Gon frowned, unable to fully hide his disappointment. “Well, I can wait!” he said, immediately brightening again.

 

“I think I’ve got a better idea,” Alluka told him, setting a hand on his and Killua’s shoulders. “Why don’t the two of you go together?”

 

“Alluka,” Killua started, but she cut him off.

 

“I’ll be safe with Bisky, we both know it,” Alluka said, and gently brushed a strand of Killua’s wild hair behind his ear. “I’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, and you’ll come back in a few months and tell me all about your hunts!”

 

Killua softened under her touch and the genuine happiness in her words. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You’re right,” he told her, and she laughed.

 

“I always am.”

 

Killua snorted and looked back down at Gon, who was watching them with shining eyes and a brilliant smile.

 

“So when do we leave?” Killua asked, not even trying to hide the excitement in his voice, and Gon shrugged, as playful as he always was. Warmth bloomed in Killua’s chest at the sight.

 

“How about now?” Gon asked, and Killua found himself nodding, excitement taking over from reason.

 

Killua realized, as he was packing his bags and saying goodbye to Alluka and Bisky, that leaving behind people he loved didn’t hurt so much when it meant moving forward with another person he loved. It wasn’t as difficult a realization to swallow as Killua had expected it to be. It was made even easier by Gon holding out his hand.

 

Killua took it, and wound their fingers together. Gon’s thumb brushed the old scar on Killua’s hand again, but this time Gon lifted their joined hands to press a kiss against it.

______________________________

 

Gon found the words two months into their travels, standing at the top of a great mountain. The world below them was vast and sprawling, the stars above closer than ever before, but all Gon could look at was Killua. Killua- his hair windswept and shining, frost clinging to his pale eyelashes, his chest heaving from the thin air as he tucked the flower they’d been hired to find into his pack. It was only after the plant was safely stored away that he looked up, and noticed Gon’s staring.

 

His eyebrows pulled together, lips tilting down into something Gon knew wasn’t truly a frown. “Gon, what are you-”

 

“I love you,” Gon said, his heartbeat echoing in his ears. He hadn't meant to say anything, but the words were out now, and he wasn’t going to take them back.

 

Killua’s mouth had dropped open, and his brilliant blue eyes were wide with disbelief. “I- Gon, _what_?” he gasped, tripping over his tongue in a way that he hadn’t since they were _children_. His whole face was quickly turning a brilliant red, his body shaking in a way that had nothing to do with the cold.

 

Gon was shaking too, but as he stepped forward, gently cradling Killua’s face with his hands, he knew it wasn’t because of fear.

 

“I love you, Killua. I’m _in love_ with you,” Gon said, every word as strong and clear as he wished they had been the first time he’d said it. Killua had a habit of doubting himself, of undervaluing what he meant to others. If Gon had to spend every day for the rest of his life telling Killua that he loved him for him to believe it, he would.

 

Then Killua’s lips twitched up, and Gon realized he may not have to.

 

“You idiot,” Killua whispered, settling his hands on Gon’s waist, his voice softer than Gon had ever heard. “I love you too.”

 

Before Gon could process what he said, before he could jump and scream to the world that _Killua loved him back_ , he was being pulled forward, and a moment later Killua was kissing him. His lips were chapped and cold, but Gon still melted into the kiss. Melted against Killua.

 

Gon wondered if he was dead, wondered if he had fallen off one of the mountain cliffs they had been climbing, because surely the feeling of Killua’s lips on his couldn’t be _real_. But it was, and before Gon realized what he was doing, he was pulling Killua closer, deepening the kiss, savoring the feeling of Killua pressing back against him- shuddering, but just as insistent. It felt right in a way that nothing else in the world ever had, and when they pulled back; foreheads pressed together and panting, Gon knew nothing else ever would.

 

So he kissed Killua again, let himself get lost in the feeling of Killua’s smile against his lips, in the way his delighted laugh shook both of them. He curled his fingers into Killua’s hair. Leaned up and trusted that the arms around his waist would hold him steady. They did, because Killua loved Gon as much as Gon loved him, and every time Gon trusted him to catch him, he did.

 

Gon wasn’t sure whose fault it was- too caught up in the warmth of Killua’s lips- but one of them leaned too far, and a moment later they were falling. Killua’s back hit the snow hard, Gon landing on his chest, their legs hopelessly tangled together. For a moment they stared at each other, wide eyed and disbelieving, before Killua was tossing his head back and laughing. The sound warmed Gon in a way nothing else did.

 

He grabbed Killua’s hands, pulling him up and into a hug. Killua let himself be pulled, muffling his laugh against Gon’s shoulder as he wound his arms around Gon’s waist.

 

“I love you,” Gon said, fairly sure that now that’d he’d told Killua, he probably wouldn’t be able to stop himself from saying it every time the thought came to him.

 

“You already said that,” Killua mumbled, turning his head so that his lips rested against Gon’s neck in something that wasn’t quite a kiss.

 

“I know. But it’s true,” Gon told him, and Killua sighed overdramatically.

 

“You’re never going to shut up about it, are you?” he asked, his voice teasing. Gon grinned, even if Killua couldn’t see it.

 

“Nope!” Gon chirped and Killua pulled back, rolling his eyes, his cheeks a brilliant red.

 

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, and before Gon could really register the insult, Killua was leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss against his lips.

  
When the sun finally rose, washing the mountaintop with light and warmth, neither of them noticed. Killua was too caught by the love in Gon’s eyes as he pressed gentle kisses to each of his knuckles, one hand holding his fingers, the other cradling his wrist. Gon was too trapped by the way Killua’s breath stuttered everytime Gon’s lip brushed his skin, and the way his pulse jumped under Gon’s touch. The vulnerability, the gentleness, the _love_ \- it was all a gift, a treasure, and a promise that Gon intended to keep for as long as he lived.


End file.
